a dosage of sleeping pills please.

I get so tired and worried that i think i worry about sleeping and not waking up on time.

We're going picnic today and i have to be at the void desk at 7.30AM and i am stilll not blinking one eye!..OOOH oh. i hope i dun get migranes later on.

Arrrgghhhhhh

years back

i so love this pic of us. we were starving earlier before this picture was taken, getting a seat to eat..and after dinner we managed to snap half of love. "ve"

Service expiry

It was back in 2006 i was so hard on to leave the 24-hr shift i desperately found myself this company. I remember working hard. To prove that i am valuable. Eager to learn and catch up fast. Two months later i managed to adapt but i see so many faces leaving for greener pastures or new faces coming in to replace my eagerness..

months passed. I was still struggling. I was struggling to be perfect. Was there such a word as perfect? Everyday i struggled to perform and do my best. My best paid off in november 07. I reached the prime where everything i do know,was at the tip of my fingers. Archives issue was at the back of my head. i can multitask and guide the user. I shone in dec 07 and beginning of 08. It was dwelling to work but in front i put on a brave face. Big shots came and congratulated me in the midst of my busy work. Little did the customer or my superior understand my crying self. No. Few knew that behind that cheery voice, my little heart was crying for space. understanding users. crying for help because i was trying so hard and coping with manpower crisis. t was always to cover shifts every other day i was supposed to go home early. Onsites who were blunt and ignorant. I tried to spite them but my nature couldn't. My little dear girl inside me was hanging on to her life. I knew i was endangering her with my stressed out job. I was a selfish mom back then. i knew but i could do nothing. I could do nothing. I just know i need to work so i could help hubby. I was crying so much at home in that small Little room i shared with hubby. before i came to work.. I always felt morning sickness ..so sick. Plus the torturous lion who never knew behind my call master i was not smitten but sad to have colleagues like her. Who do not understand our crisis. My hubby hanged on to my whine. sometimes i think he could just gimme a tight slap for it but he did not. he was composed. he was there to hug me and love me. HE never asked for much but he yearn for happiness in my eyes.

It paid off .. maternity was bliss although i was slightly disturbed that being overwork and suddenly at home. came back from work with fresh new people and then there were new tasks to take up and new roles. I started again doing the same old thing. To be perfect. TO be the best. Hard work after hard work. i felt that i could not finish all the things but i know i tried my very best. This time my hard wary value was AVERAGE. It was disappointing but i tried my best again and yes i still do cry about work. As if i was bullied but no.. it's the only way i know that prevents me from carrying the baggage of work home. AT the very least it's work that i seldom bring home but only the stress.

Its now time for me to hit the rocky road again. The contract ends end of the month but i'll be bowing out next week after subtracting my leave and not renewing. What i will miss:

• being able to help my team in need. I have been their walking dictionary. all 9 acct.
• Fighting for our SLA to be blinking green. Yes to like the rosak traffic light. amber and red light appearing.
• the bitching of work but i will say i love this job when i update the information quickly(which i did not do this past month due to my busy schedule) i used to love the times when i race myself to update the intranet!
• Yes my spacious own desk. 2 system. slow also never mind. i can still work with it
• My lunch with my bro which we seldom do at home or when we were schooling together..

I was glad that this new batch did not experience the disaster i did.. disaster was good for me though. It taught me things inter personally that was not taught in classrooms. Think out of the box and learning to cope. but i hope with me exit. They will not experience what i did.

In Customer service, especially providing first hand quality and showing to the customer we care do they know? AT the end of the day a happy customer made me happy and perfect was never a word i can use to measure my leaning journey here. Its thanks to my superior that i persevered and work hard to give the best everyday.. I hope i can have this much drive when i start my work place somewhere else.. otherwise housewife? can i cope with rising cost in Singapore.. and my huge expenses......my shopping for my lil gyrl and of coz for the dream house. I hope Allah shows me my path with my prayers. Insyallah

I so gonna miss this fast paced environment. this cubicle and the free Internet flow and msn-free environment at work(as long as i dun take advantage of which i did for my time here.

Fast Ferbruary

The shortest Month of the year but lotsa things happened.

• Lost of a great friend's love one
  
• caught up with my 'lil sis' which i tot i had lost
  
• i did my first online shopping for Balqis's clothes. I was super excited and the post reached me.. just after CNy the clothes just as it is. Superb! Nearly shopped for old navy since i found my long lost vpost card.Unfortunatley i realised i did not activated it..and needs to call Singpost.hubby is more pleased coz he is worried i shop till i drop.bargains here there..my eyes can pop!hmmmmzz maybe wait for bonus heeheehee..
  
• Caught fireworks with the friends i treasure so much..and was glad we did catch up since time was available. Balqis got a cutie dress from aunt echa which we were so in love with.. we wore it on her he next day we went out! Thanks sheda!
  
• well we were glad shopping was a breeze during CNY. Mak buyong cuzzie and baby aida,mamadik, mom, balqis, and me were at marina.and savoured more clothes for her.AGAIN.wat to do only child :P
  
• The Baby was not well. she cried late nights with hubby and me becoming chambermaids TWO nights in a row! she vomitted on our bed. no sleep for both of us..HUbby was a very fine daddy hugging her in place when i washed the stains late at night. I caught her bug when she was ok and became sick again but still went to work since the team was short of agents. :( she became sick becoz teeth coming out la..
  
• then week after, younger bro got a small perjanjian and than turned out to be a small engagement instead.. since he bought so many things to give to my future SIL.Started my worknon stop on tuesday night till friday. did patches to my ol hantaran dulangs and made changes a bit. so imagine my zombie eyes dat day..Of course there were a trail of last minute calling2 to our uncles, becoz we love our big family so much, he felt guilt creeping in his already excited and worried mindframe not telling our uncle, aunts and cuzzie who are super cool to be true. Oh he got some sleep while i was awake whole of thursnight.. grrh... Thatday turned out to be so keco..and we nearly got into an accident or maybe killed someone but alhamdulillah everything was alright. Youngest bro turn coming up(counting and counting,....hour /mins/months/years.still a big secret i need to keep for now.. 2 SIL ...Family expansion means more friend for balqis in years to come.. yeay!
  
• The wait for Cuzzie's second junior is NOT YET over.. she was so hoping for baby to see the world in Feb but i anticipate baby coming out on my biirthday hehe..
  
• The same day hubby got his results to his exams, which was not bad, We got our long awaited news on the SOE tender. We lost our tender to EDS. job uncertainty for me eventhough mgmt and hubby told me not to worry..how not to ..?sigh..
  
• We did started our house hunting early feb. Fell in love with it the moment we were welcomed in. We nearly clinched a house we loved so much only to fall back minutes before we signed the papers..5 K of cash, we said,"OK." another 35 K of cash, at the end of 6 months.Hubby and me looked at each other. Hubby GULPED. WHERE GOT MONEY face were on our face..WE need to renovate that house and STILL PAY 35K CASH! The house was above evaluation and we did not know we can't use CPF. sigh. There goes our dream home.
  
• Visit from a distanced pal from Indonesia came with her hubby and her lil girl. Hubby and I played tourist guide role on the end of february. We met 11 yrs ago, and kept in touch by post mail, then we got lost in our own life. We found each other in Friendster.com. If Balqis and Cayla, her elder daughter(12 months 10days today) were to still keep in touch with each other..It will be a generation of 3 friendship. Her late dad was a great man. A great buddy to my dad and a superb host to our family when we visited Indonesia 11 years back. Everytime dad visited him and viceversa, Her dad cracks my dad up, which u seldom see my old man laugh if you personally know him. He is so selective of his friends. All in all the four days was well spend with them.. Oh and i got unwell again when they left last tuesday.

to date:

Baby Balqis:

• Has 4 halfgrown teeth which she loves to show off to passer by..two more rooting out
• Thanks to Cayla, she has shown her character to be a gd sis. She was so excited having Cayla around.
• She's up to more mischief now
• She can baby talk a lot.. LOT plenty..many
• She likes only new toys..headache for me
• She is selective of Strangers
• loves grandpa so much la..(grandpa said,"If i don't spoil her, who is gona spoil her then?")/more headached for me..
• She can fly kiss
• She loves music
• Loves my singing eventhough sis said it's atrocious
• climbs and still haven't walk without help yet
• I have to stop shopping for her since the wardrobe is already full to the max.

I love her growing ups in February eventhough its short. On top of it, February was a challenging month.
House hunting is gonna be delayed until we can save some more AGAIN.. Just need some positive breaks for this month insyalllah. We can just Pray Allah instill us patience and at least we are happy at things going His way.